Why I Work the Way I Do

Most men who reach out to me aren’t confused about whether PMO is a problem.
They’re confused about why nothing they’ve tried has actually worked.

They’ve used filters.
They’ve tried accountability.
They’ve made promises to themselves.
They’ve read books, listened to podcasts, prayed harder, or tried to out-discipline the urges.

And they’re still stuck.

That doesn’t mean they’re weak or broken. It usually means they’ve been working from a model of change that doesn’t hold up under real pressure.

How I Think About This Problem

PMO isn’t just a habit you break or a belief you correct.
It’s a learned response to urges, emotions, and internal states.

When stress spikes.
When loneliness shows up.
When boredom drags on.
When an urge hits and the nervous system is already overloaded.

Most approaches focus on eliminating urges or forcing resistance. That works temporarily for some people, but it tends to collapse when life gets harder — which is exactly when the skills are needed most.

The work I do focuses on something different:
learning how to respond when urges and emotions are actually happening.

Not perfectly.
Not forever.
Just more skillfully, over time.

Where This Approach Comes From

This way of working isn’t based on what worked for me personally or what I think should work.

I’ve studied addiction at the graduate level and spent years examining which approaches actually lead to lasting change — and which ones repeatedly fall short, especially for compulsive behaviors like PMO. That’s why I don’t rely on models built primarily around shame, willpower, or insight alone. The data simply doesn’t support them for the kind of change most men are looking for.

The approach I use is grounded in psychology, neuroscience, and evidence-based behavior change models, translated into practical skills you can use in real life — when urges, stress, and emotions are active.

Not theory.
Not motivation.
Practice.

What Makes This Different

Most men I work with don’t need more information.
They need a different way of relating to urges and discomfort.

The work centers on learning how to:

• pause instead of reacting automatically

• slow things down physically when urges hit

• notice what’s happening without getting pulled into it

• choose based on values rather than impulse

Over time, this changes how urges are experienced. They don’t disappear, but they stop feeling urgent and controlling. PMO stops being the default way of coping.

That’s not because of willpower.
It’s because the response has changed.

What You Can Expect From Me

I’m not here to convince you of anything.
I’m not here to fix you.
And I’m not here to offer quick solutions.

I work one-on-one with men who want a clear, evidence-based framework and steady support while they learn how to apply it in real life. This work takes time. It requires practice. And it respects the fact that change happens gradually, not all at once.

If you’re looking for motivation, accountability pressure, or a system that promises certainty, this probably isn’t a good fit.

If you want an approach that actually matches how change works — especially under stress — then we should talk.